


You've Got Me Seeing Stars

by heartofthejunk



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Finnpoe - Freeform, M/M, Oblivious Finn, Pining Poe, Post-War, Stormpilot, but it gets better, finn is such a dumbass tbh, leia knows e v e r y t h i n g, pining Finn, some battle scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-23 04:18:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13182204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartofthejunk/pseuds/heartofthejunk
Summary: Finn is lost.For all of his life, he was trained to battle. He was trained to go against the opposition and fight until he had nothing left. When he was younger, he was conditioned to believe that war was all there was. For all he had known at the time, that was true; Finn couldn’t remember living during a time of peace.Now, peace is all there is.[ a post-war fic inspired by a request by stitchybutton on tumblr ]





	You've Got Me Seeing Stars

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is my first stormpilot fic so please be easy on me,,
> 
> also i can't write battle scenes so please ignore that lol
> 
> hope you enjoy!

Finn is lost.

For all of his life, he was trained to battle. He was trained to go against the opposition and fight until he had nothing left. When he was younger, he was conditioned to believe that war was all there was. For all he had known at the time, that was true; Finn couldn’t remember living during a time of peace.

Peace was something that, back when he was a stormtrooper, he could never imagine. The only thing stormtroopers saw was the First Order base and the horrifying bloodshed outside of it. Thus, peace was a foreign concept to him. From his time with the Resistance, he knew that peace was certainly favorable. It was something they were always fighting for. For Finn, it was something he desperately wanted to experience, something he previously never thought he would get to experience. Now that they had won their peace, he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. 

He knew small bits of peace: reuniting with Rey after a battle, days on the base where no one was harmed, Poe smiling at him across their shared room, finding out Rose would survive her injuries, and the brief celebrations after successful missions. These were the lightest moments in the midst of the darkness he had faced during the war he was brought up to fight in. He savored those moments because he never had moments like that when he was younger. Happiness and hope were feelings that were rarely felt on the First Order base. 

What is he to do now that peace is all that there is?

Of course, he isn’t complaining. Peace was the entire purpose of the Resistance. It’s what’s best for the whole galaxy. Still, he can’t help but feel he doesn’t belong in a world where the Resistance doesn’t need him to go racing into battle at any given moment. He feels lost without the purpose the war gave him. 

Something especially troublesome is that Finn now has nowhere to go. He doesn’t have a home beside the rooms he was given on different Resistance bases, and now that he is no longer needed, he can’t see himself staying on a base. 

He asks Rey where she will reside, and she says she doesn’t know yet. She plans on traveling the galaxy and training young Jedi. She wants to continue the legacy, even if Luke Skywalker discouraged her from doing so. She tells him he is free to come with her, but Finn doesn’t think that’s the future for him. Besides, what Padawan would take an ex-stormtrooper seriously? 

Rose wants to reunite with her parents on Hays Minor and tell them about the bravery of her sister. Finn wishes he had some sort of family to return to, even if it was to bare bad news. At least they would be happy to have him back. He imagines it. He would park a shuttle in the front yard. His mom would come running out the front door, his dad following close behind, wearing a bright smile. They would embrace and take him inside, offering cookies and iced tea. He would tell them stories of victory and stories of his friends. They would laugh and cheer at all the right times and Finn would feel comfortable. Except, he wouldn’t, because he didn’t know his parents. Even if he did, he suspects they’d either be dead or they wouldn’t want to see him. 

He wonders what Poe plans on doing after he moves off the base, but then again, he isn’t even sure if Poe will move off the base. Finn thinks that Poe may continue to be a commander, as he was in the New Republic. He can understand that; Poe is following in his mother’s footsteps by being a pilot. Sometimes Finn thinks Poe does it because Poe misses his mother more than he lets on. Finn never pushes Poe to discuss it.

Even though he knows Poe will likely continue to serve, Finn sort of wishes he wouldn’t. He knows that’s selfish. He’s dreamed of a future with him and Poe, together. He isn’t sure of the circumstances, but they’re both safe and for Finn, that’s all that matters. The worrying he endured during the war every time Poe would go out on a mission without him was immense. At times, it was a bit too much to handle. He never wanted to stress about Poe again, but he knew that that was inevitable. Poe was impulsive and up for any challenge. If anything, Finn would spend more time worrying than not.

He knows his dream future is unfair. He knows he and Poe are friends, but it isn’t likely that Poe would want to spend the rest of his life with him. It’d be awfully selfish of Finn to think that maybe Poe  _ possibly _ felt the same way he did. After countless ‘pal’s and ‘buddy’s, he could take a hint. 

Finn wishes he could help the way he felt about Poe, but it’s proved to be impossible. Poe gave him a name. Poe helped him settle into the Resistance. Poe gave him clothes and a room to stay in. Poe soothed him after he woke up from countless nightmares. Poe supported him and defended him. Poe was his best friend. He had tried an infinite amount of times to  _ suppress, suppress, suppress _ , just like they taught him during his stormtrooper training, but it was no use. Poe Dameron would forever haunt his heart.

* * *

 

A few weeks after the war had been won, more and more people were leaving the base. People were reuniting with their families, returning to their homes, and leaving to explore the galaxy. The decreasing number of people on the base left Finn feeling discomforted. He is more alone now than ever, especially considering Rey and Rose have already left. Poe is still on the base, which Finn had expected, so at least he isn’t  _ completely _ alone.

One morning, Finn awakes to the  _ riiiiip _ ing sound of packing tape. He groggily sits up on his cot and rubs the sleep from his eyes. His eyes go to the source of the sound, where Poe is facing him, standing above a few cardboard boxes with tape in his hands. Poe looks at Finn and smiles that winning smile of his. “Look who’s finally up,” he teases.

Finn blinks, still not fully awake. “What are you doing?” he asks.

“Packing up my things,” Poe replies easily. He rips a long piece of tape and seals the top of one of the boxes in front of him. “I leave the base in a few days,” he explains. 

Finn thinks he must be having trouble focusing because he’s sure he heard Poe wrong. “Leaving the base?”

“Not quite awake yet, are we?” Poe grins. He continues taping over boxes. “I’m leaving the base in a few days. I think I’m gonna find a nice planet and settle in for a little while.”

Finn’s mouth gapes open. He has so many things he wants to say. _ Why? When did you decide this? Why didn’t you tell me? Did you even think about how this would affect me? Can I come with you? _ Instead, he lamely jokes, “Settle? You?” It comes out half-hearted and weak.

Poe chuckles, not missing a beat. “I know, I know, it’s hard to believe,” he says, and Finn thinks that he definitely agrees with him there. “After all this war… Even for me, it’s been a lot. You know what I mean. I think I need to lie low for a little bit.” Poe folds one of his shirts and throws it into an open box. Finn notes that the shirt was a black v-neck, one of his favorites to wear. He had his own clothes now that he had been staying on the base for a while, but he still liked to wear Poe’s clothes. They always smelled like a combination of soap and Poe’s shuttle’s cockpit, and Poe never seemed to mind. 

Finn suddenly realizes he has no idea what this means for him. He lies back on his cot and closes his eyes, trying to take this all in. “Might not want to go back to sleep, breakfast is in a few minutes,” Poe chides. Finn grunts and rolls out of his cot. He grabs a random shirt and pair of pants from his drawer in their shared dresser and gets changed so he looks at least slightly presentable for breakfast. 

Finn feels Poe’s eyes on him. “Do my clothes not match?” he asks, pulling his shirt over his head.

Poe swallows audibly. “Nah, they match.” He clears his throat. “You ready to head down to the mess hall?”

* * *

During breakfast, Finn is somewhere else. People try and talk to him, but he just can’t focus on anything anyone is saying. In fact, the whole morning is a bit of a blur, and all he can remember is the conversation he and Poe had earlier.

Leaving the base? Poe? Finn can’t believe it. Poe is the  _ last _ person he thought would leave the base. 

Now, what is he supposed to do? He has nowhere to go, and no one to go with. He remembers Rey’s offer and considers it, but he only thinks he’ll get in the way. He decides he might as well stay on the base and continue training; the Resistance will still need an army, even if there is no evil to fight. That day, he goes to General Organa and requests permission to stay and train.

“But what about Commander Dameron? You two are close, aren’t you? I thought he was leaving the base?” General Organa inquires.

“Yes general,” Finn answers, “he is.”

“Oh.” General Organa drops it, but not without giving Finn a knowing look. Finn thinks the general looks like she thinks more than she is letting on. He leaves and goes back to his room, where Poe is back to packing.

“Hey,” Finn greets.

Poe straightens from his previous position, in which he was hunched over a box. “Hey! Where were you? You sort of disappeared after breakfast,” he comments.

Finn cringes, realizing he  _ did _ sort of disappear. He walks over to his cot and sits down. “I was talking to General Organa,” he tells Poe. “I… I’m going to stay on the base and train.”

Poe drops the pair of pants he’s currently folding. He stands there silently for a few moments, looking at the pair of pants he let fall to the floor. “Oops,” he finally says, reaching down to retrieve the pants. He looks at Finn and shrugs, laughing nervously. “Butter fingers.”

Finn raises an eyebrow but says nothing. The silence between them is uneasy. Poe folds a few more pairs of pants while Finn watches. Neither of them say a word. Finally, Finn can’t take the quiet. “Poe... “

“You don’t have to say anything,” Poe interrupts before Finn even has the chance to utter another word. Is Poe mad at him? He honestly can’t tell. He  _ did _ sound a bit snippy. But shouldn’t  _ Finn _ be the angry one? Poe was the one who just  _ sprung _ his news onto Finn first. And it isn’t like Poe asked Finn if he wanted to come along. Unless he was going to. Finn dismisses that thought. Poe probably wouldn’t do that. But if not, why was he so upset?

The tension in the room is so thick it could be cut with a lightsaber. In his corner of the room, Poe is folding and throwing his clothes in boxes more violently. Finn, in his corner of the room, rolls his eyes. “If anyone should be angry here, it’s me,” Finn says quietly, mostly to himself.

It wasn’t quiet enough, because Poe hears him. He whips around to face Finn. “ _ You _ should be angry? Why the hell’s that?” Finn has seen Poe when he’s angry - the war brought that out in people - but he had never seen Poe  _ this _ angry, especially not at him. His entire face is red, and he’s practically barking. It’s terrifying.

Finn is not about to back down. He gets up from his cot and paces towards Poe. “I don’t know,” he starts sarcastically, “maybe because you decided you were leaving the base without even telling me!”

“Well, excuse me, I didn’t know I needed your permission to leave the base,” Poe scoffs.

“You don’t, but it would’ve at least been nice to let me know more than a few days in advance!”

“I didn’t know how to tell you!” Poe explodes. He runs his hands through his curls in frustration. “How the  _ fuck _ are you supposed to tell your best friend you’re going to be leaving them?”

“The same way Rey and Rose did!” Finn argues. “You just tell them! You keep them in the loop, because that’s what best friends do!”

“I was scared,” Poe retorts, but the anger is gone and his voice cracks. “I was scared you would hate me for leaving.”

“And putting off telling me would solve that?” Finn asks. He tries to stay strong, to keep the toughness and anger in his voice, but Poe is looking at him with these sad eyes he’s never seen before. Neither man says a word for a long time. They’re standing practically face to face, eye to eye. The only sound in the room is breathing, and then the sound of the shirt Poe was holding when it drops to the ground. Finn looks down at the shirt. When he looks back up at Poe, there are tears spilling down his face. In that moment, Finn’s heart breaks. In front of him is this boy who is usually the sunshine in the room, and he’s sobbing, all because of him. Finn reaches out to wipe away a tear but Poe moves back, away from him. “I could never hate you,” Finn whispers. After another moment, he says, “I would have come with you,” his own voice shaking.

Poe turns away, looking at the boxes on the ground. He crosses his arms over his chest, like he’s trying to protect himself. “I guess it doesn’t matter now.” He leans down and picks up the shirt. Finn watches as he carefully refolds it and puts it into the last open box. “I think I’m gonna leave a few days early,” Poe says absentmindedly, almost as if he’s talking to himself. He picks up a few boxes and Finn lets him. 

Finn lets him leave. 

He waits a minute after Poe leaves. He knows Poe has to come back for the other boxes, and Finn doesn’t want to be there when he returns. He goes to the training grounds on-base and practices shooting a dummy with a blaster for a few minutes. Minutes turn to hours, and suddenly it’s been three hours since Finn left his room.

He decides to head back to his room. He hopes that by some small sliver of a chance, Poe is still there. While he was shooting the head off of a training dummy, he was thinking about what he might say to him. He would finally tell Poe the words he’d always wanted to say; how he really felt about him. He would apologize, saying how stupid and insignificant the fight was and how he understood that it was hard for Poe to tell him. He would apologize for getting angry when it really wasn’t necessary. He would beg him to stay, just one more day, to smooth things out between them.

Those are things he would have said, if Poe was there when he got back to their room. Or, now, only his room. Poe emptied out any evidence that he had ever lived there, except for one black v-neck shirt. Finn could’ve sworn he watched Poe put that exact shirt away a few hours ago. He walks over to the shirt, which was carefully folded and left on Poe’s pillow. He picks it up, and underneath it, there is a folded letter. 

Finn puts the shirt down and unfolds the letter. All it said, in Poe’s messy script, was  _ ‘I knew this was your favorite. Until I see you, Poe’ _ . Finn places the letter down and picks up the shirt. He holds it to his face and inhales; it still smelled like Poe, even though Finn had worn it so many times.

That night, Finn lies in Poe’s bed, thinking about the last conversation he had with Poe before he left. If Finn had just shut his mouth, Poe might still be here. He’d be in his bed right now instead of Finn, and Finn would apologize and everything would be alright. He regrets everything. He groans and rolls over to the side Poe would sleep on. His pillow still smelled like him. Finn takes a deep breath and drifts into an uncomfortable, dreamless sleep.

* * *

 

Finn had nightmares.

Usually, they were about the past, when he was still a stormtrooper. He would have nightmares about the deaths he witnessed and the harsh conditions he lived through. Other times, they were about his friends. Sometimes he saw his friends die; Other times, he saw his friends kill him. In those dreams, his subconscious would whisper,  _ traitor, traitor, traitor, _ reminding him of how he double-crossed the stormtroopers and how easily his new friends could do the same. 

Ever since Poe was gone, Finn would wake up from these nightmares all alone. Many of the nightmares included Poe. In these dreams, he would die or be tortured again. All of them were horrifying, but Finn found that the scariest dreams were those in which Poe killed him. In one particularly vivid dream, Poe ripped his heart out by tearing stitches out of his back and putting his hand through the wound where Kylo Ren’s lightsaber went through his back. When he woke up from that dream, his back was inexplicably sore for the first time in a year or two.

Things are dull and depressing since Poe left. Poe never leaves Finn’s thoughts. He thinks constantly about the pilot that left him. It has been a month and a half, he should be over it, but he isn’t. He sleeps on Poe’s bed instead of his cot and he hasn’t washed the shirt Poe left for fear of his scent being washed away. His mind wanders during training, He always thinks about what Poe may be doing, who he might be seeing, how he might be doing. Most of all, he misses Poe.

It hits him hardest in the mid-afternoon. Sure, he misses Poe incessantly, but it’s the worst during that time. He should be preoccupied with other things during that time, but it’s always then that he remembers he won’t see Poe at dinner or when he got back to their room. Finn feels like his heart is being ripped out, much like in his horrible, recurring nightmare. It’s the worst kind of missing.

To combat his feelings of loss, he turns to training. He learns better hand-to-hand combat, learns how to properly pilot different types of ships, and practices his weapon handling. He does all this to keep his mind off of the smooth-talking pretty boy who he can’t seem to stop thinking about.

Finn desperately wishes he could visit Poe, maybe send him a letter, but Finn has no idea where he is now. Finn doubts he’ll ever know.  _ Until I see you _ , was how Poe signed his letter, which meant Poe wanted to see Finn again, right? Finn was hanging on to his last shreds of hope.

When he saw Poe again, what would he say to him? Would he say,  _ ‘I’m in love with you, please stay with me forever’ _ ? No, he wouldn’t, because that would be creepy. He would have no idea where to start.

Another two months later, four months after Poe left, Finn still missed him every day. It still hurt to think about him, but he knew he had to push forward with his life. He continued to train every day. He moved up in the ranks and became a commander. He focused on the inevitable task ahead - someday, going into battle. But he never forgot his pilot.

* * *

 

General Organa says the mission shouldn’t be too difficult. A small village is being raided on a planet near base, so it shouldn’t take long either. General Organa sends Finn’s squadron out to deal with it. It’s the first mission Finn has been on since the end of the war.

Finn flies out with the rest of his men trailing behind him. The trip takes ten minutes, maybe fifteen tops, and immediately Finn can see which village is being raided. When they get closer, he can see several huts being burnt down and others being pillaged. The men in his squad all know their jobs and get to it, helping villagers and fighting off raiders. Finn gets out of his fighter and in on the action. His training is really paying off. Every opponent seems to have childlike skills in comparison to his.  _ I could’ve taken on all these raiders at once _ , he thinks cockily.

He soon realizes that he could  _ not, _ in fact, take on all the raiders at once.

The raiders were not formidable opponents, but they just kept coming. They empty from ships that keep flying in. It seemed that for every raider Finn disarmed, there were three more raiders waiting to shoot him. He knows that his squadron is overwhelmed; The general had underestimated this mission. They were going to have to shoot their way out. They can do it. Finn has faith in his squad.

The battle goes on and Finn wonders how many raiders there are. He can only kill them so fast. Raiders are still bombing huts and the fire is catching. One of his men has evacuated the villagers to a predetermined safe house a half mile from the village. He hopes everyone is safe. No citizen should be around a fight like this.

Finn ducks into one of the huts that isn’t on fire for cover. He’s taking heavy fire, and he can only dodge so much. He looks out, trying to scan for raiders, when he sees another hut that isn’t yet engulfed in flames. Inside, a small child is huddled in a corner, and the child looks like she’s sobbing. Finn looks around to see if he can safely reach the hut, when he notices a beeping noise.  _ Another bomb _ . And it’s aimed right for where the little girl is. 

Seconds seem like minutes. Finn sees the raider throw the bomb towards the hut. The bomb flies through the air in slow motion, and Finn sprints to beat it, but it seems like he’s running in slow motion too. He’s faster than the bomb, though. He feels shots blast past him, but he doesn’t care. His eyes are trained on the little girl, who’s watching the bomb come towards her with wide eyes.  _ She can’t die _ , Finn thinks. He won’t let it happen.

He beats the bomb by near seconds, but he knows it isn’t enough. He scoops up the girl and knows what he has to do; He has to throw her out of harm’s way.  He runs out of the hut and knows he isn’t far enough away from the blast zone. In a second, maybe two, the bomb is going to blow and his efforts will be for nothing. He looks out and he sees a large bush that seems far enough away and decides that’s as good a place as any. With his final efforts, possibly the final efforts of his life, he throws the girl into the bush before he smells burning wood and everything goes dark.

* * *

Finn wakes up in a stark white room. _Is this heaven?_ he thinks. He closes his eyes, because the white is so bright it’s nearly blinding. He tries to sit up, but he can’t move. He realizes where he is: the medical bay on the base. How did he get here?

Then he remembers. The blast.

How did he survive? Is the little girl okay? What happened to his men?

He needs to get out of this bed.

He opens his eyes and turns his head. Someone is sitting in a chair next to his bed but his eyes still haven’t adjusted to the bright light. He blinks and realizes the person is Poe. He’s asleep, his head tilted back and his mouth slightly open. He’s snoring, but only a little. Finn is ecstatic - because there’s Poe, right there,  _ on the base! _ \- but he’s also confused. “How..?” he utters.

“I told him.” Finn’s eyes turn to General Organa, who’s standing in the doorway. “Welcome back, Commander Finn.”

Finn must be seeing things. There was General Organa, standing in the doorway of his room in the medical bay, and there was Poe, sleeping in a chair next to him. None if it made sense. “What… What happened?” he asks. 

“Do you remember your last mission?” the general asks him.

“I remember. And I remember the blast. I shouldn’t have survived,” he explains.

“No, you shouldn’t have,” General Organa replies, quite bluntly. “But by some miracle, you did. The raiders left you for dead. Your men are all okay. They found you and rushed you back here. You’re lucky they found you when they did. If you stayed there, you would have died.”

Finn pauses, absorbing all the information the general has just given him. He sits up and groans from the pain, but leans up against a pillow so he can look the general in the eye. “And what of the little girl?”

“Little girl?”

“I tried to save a little girl,” he says urgently. “I tried to throw her away from the blast. Did she make it?”

“There was a young girl found near the blast. She had a few scrapes, but she made it out okay,” General Organa tells him. Finn smiles, and the general returns it.

Next to him, Poe stirs. “Finn… Finn?” he mutters in his sleep. He blinks awake and looks at Finn sitting up in bed. He immediately perks up. “Finn!” he exclaims. “Oh thank god, you’re awake!”

General Organa chuckles. “I’ll leave you two alone,” she says, almost knowingly, and shuts the door behind her.

Poe rushes over and crushes Finn in a hug. Finn grunts. “Dude, you’re hurting me. Like, a lot.”

“Oh, shit,” Poe lets go and steps back. “I’m sorry. I’m just so happy you’re alive.” Poe’s eyes scan Finn’s face desperately. Poe’s smile is huge and beaming, a happy that Finn has never seen on his face before.

“I can’t believe I’m alive,” Finn says. He smiles at Poe. “I guess I’m happy I am.” He glances at the clock on the wall. “It’s almost lunch. You wanna sneak me some food? Medical bay food always sucks and I heard that they’re supposed to be serving tacos today in the cafeteria.”

Poe’s smile turns into a small frown. “Finn… you missed the tacos.”

“I did?”

“Yeah. You’ve been out for three weeks now.”

“I’ve been  _ what? _ ” Finn cries out in disbelief. “Three weeks? Are you serious?”

“Finn, you were in an explosion,” Poe says. “It isn’t easy to recover from something like that.”

“How long have you been here?” Finn asks. “On the base?”

“Leia commed me as soon as you were admitted to the medical bay. I’ve been here for three weeks,” Poe tells him.

“You, you have?” Finn suddenly feels his face heat up. Poe had been waiting for him to wake up for  _ three weeks _ . He stayed here the whole time. What if that meant… no, he tells himself. It probably means nothing. He’s just glad to know that Poe really cares about him.

“I stayed in our old room when I wasn’t here, sitting in this chair,” Poe says. “Rose and Rey visited, but neither could stay very long. I guess I have more free time,” he chuckles.

“Uhm, why did you stay?” Finn questions. “You could’ve returned to… wherever you were before this.”

Poe sits in an empty space on Finn’s bed, facing him, and looks Finn dead in the eyes. “Finn. I was terrified.” He grabs both of Finn’s hands. Heat shoots up Finn’s arm from the contact. “I really thought you were a goner.” Suddenly, Poe is breaking down, just like the last day Finn saw him, during their argument. Tears are streaming down his cheeks, and this time he lets Finn brush them away. “Do you know what it’s like to lose someone?”

Finn wants to say  _ yes, I lost you _ , but he can’t. He knows Poe lost his mother. He knows that any loss he experiences will be nothing in comparison. 

“I can’t go through that again,” Poe sobs. “I can’t lose my best friend.” Carefully, Finn leans forward. He grunts through the pain in his limbs. Extremely gently, he wraps his arms around Poe. Poe hesitantly returns the gesture. “I couldn’t imagine the last words I said to you being spiteful. I couldn’t let our last conversation be a fight,” he whispered.

“Don’t worry about it,” Finn says quietly. “I’m okay now. It’s okay.”

Poe sniffled and broke their embrace. He wiped his eyes and put on a smile. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

And it was.

* * *

 

“I think you should come with me. Off the base.”

Finn and Poe are sitting in Finn’s room, days after he woke up in the sick bay. Poe decided he would stay on the base to look over Finn and make sure he didn’t do anything stupid.

Finn looked up from the book he was reading in surprise. “Really?” Poe nods. “I’m not so sure,” Finn says doubtfully. “They need me here. We already have a limited number of troops.”

“I already talked to General Organa. I said you needed some time off, and she agreed.” Poe puts a hand on Finn’s arm. “You don’t have to always be the hero.”

Finn’s head is spinning. Of course he wants to go with Poe, of course he does, because the time they’ve spent together in the last few days has been the most fun he’s ever had, and most of the time they weren’t doing much of anything. Still, the base is all he really knows. Is he honestly ready to leave? “I’ll think about it,” he decides. He needed some time.

“Okay,” Poe says. “That’s all I can ask you to do.”

Finn has a  _ lot _ of thinking to do.

It’s a good thing he can only sit around, and not do much else. This gives him a lot of time to ponder this predicament. He likes living on the base. He doesn’t have to worry about much, besides missions of course. He likes the security he feels here. 

He also likes the security he feels with Poe.

Poe is one of the most important people in his life, but will living with him be a good thing? Sure, on the base they shared a room, but that’s not the same. It was still the base. Being somewhere else with him, all alone? It was a dream come true, but it could also be a disaster. What if Poe suspected Finn’s feelings? What if he didn’t feel the same way? And what if he  _ did? _ Finn has too much on his mind. He hopes Poe can be patient.

Day by day goes by and Finn’s mind is  _ screaming _ at him, telling him  _ make a decision, you idiot! _ but he doesn’t know what to do. Every day, Poe stays with him and cares for him, and all this attention is heart-squeezing. Finn thought he had strong feelings for Poe before, but it seems that the phrase ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ is proving to be true. Poe could freeze and melt Finn, all with one glace. Finn felt defenseless. 

He wanted to leave the base with Poe, he really did, but he knew he couldn’t live with Poe unless Poe knew how he felt about him. The only problem with that was that he didn’t know how to tell him, nor did he have the courage.

Another week later, when Finn can finally walk with crutches, he realizes he’s being completely juvenile. He is an adult; Poe is an adult. They can handle this like adults. Besides, even if Poe doesn’t feel the same way, Finn can stay on the base, hide in his shame, and never have to see Poe’s beautiful face again. Finn would prefer that he didn’t have to stay on the base, hiding in shame, but he would do what was necessary. He decides, with his new-found courage, he’ll tell Poe this afternoon. He has to. He can’t stand another minute of Poe not knowing.

After lunch, Poe and Finn are heading back to their room.  _ This is it, _ Finn thinks.  _ This could be the last time we do anything together. _ The hopeful part of him stays quiet. His nerves are jumping around in his chest, and he thinks he may vomit up the lunch he just ate. Poe holds the door open for him so he can crutch into the room. He smiles at Finn and Finn swears that smile alone could be the reason for his death. Poe wasn’t going to makes this any easier.

After Finn is through the door, Poe comes in and shuts it behind him. He walks over to Finn, who’s stopped himself in the middle of the room. “Something wrong?” he asks lightly. Finn knows this is his chance. He can’t back away. He can’t be afraid.

“I need to talk to you,” he says.

Poe frowns. “Okay. Why don’t we get you sitting down?” Poe goes and sits on his bed, and Finn follows suit. “So, what do you need to talk about?”

Poe is looking at Finn, giving him all his attention, staring so intently into Finn’s eyes, and Finn is sure this will kill him. This will be the end. But a second goes by and he isn’t dead yet, so he takes a deep breath. “You have to promise me you won’t talk or interrupt me, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Poe…” Finn takes another deep breath. “Ever since you gave me a name, you were one of my favorite people in the galaxy.” Poe looks confused, so Finn closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to look at Poe until he’s finished. “Probably because you were the only person I knew outside of the First Order, and we all know how much I love them.” Poe laughs and Finn can imagine it; his eyes crinkling in the corners, his nose twitching, his lips curved upwards in a smile. He ignores that thought and pushes on. “And you’ve continued to be one of my favorite people in the galaxy. My  _ favorite _ person in the galaxy. I can’t thank you enough for how much you’ve given me.”  _ Get on with it!  _ his head yells at him.  _ I’m trying! _ he thinks back. “I wanted to accept your offer to come off base right away, but I really had to evaluate some things before I could do so.” Finn opens his eyes again and sees Poe still seems a little bit confused. He doesn’t let it deter him. “I had to think about how I felt about you.” Poe’s eyebrows raise in surprise and Finn knows this it; he’ll never have his best friend back after this. Finn’s speech speeds up. “Just let me get this out. I love you, Poe Dameron, and I don’t care if you feel the same way or if you hate me now or whatever because I just really needed you to know and obviously if you don’t feel the same way I’ll gladly stay on the base and you’ll never have to see me ag-”

Poe shuts him up by putting his mouth on Finn’s.

Finn really hadn’t seen that coming.

Poe cups Finn’s face and Finn thinks,  _ holy shit, am I dreaming? _ but he knows he isn’t because this is better than any dream he’s ever had. Poe’s mouth is warmer than he imagined, but about as soft. Finn slides his hands into Poe’s hair and they’re kissing, and kissing, and kissing, and Finn’s heart is beating out of his chest and he thinks that this is what kissing is  _ really _ like. 

It’s a shame that people have to breathe, because that means they have to pull away. When they do, they sit facing each other, just staring at each other, smiling like idiots. Their mouths are red and Poe’s hair is a  _ mess _ and they’re both breathing like they just ran a marathon.

Finn is the first to talk. “I thought I said not to interrupt me,” he says.

Poe laughs. “Shut up,” he says, pulling Finn closer and leaning in once again.

Finn could get used to this.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Come scream about the space boyfriends on my tumblr ( heartofthejunk ) or my instagram ( heartofthejunk )


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